I Can't Fall Apart In Front Of You This Time
by Sardonic Storyteller
Summary: He can't let it all slip through his fingers again, like water through even the smallest cracks. He needed to hold on, tighter than ever before so he wouldn't lose what little he'd regained in the past few weeks. He doesn't complain, he doesn't confided in Archie like he had before. He can't be tossed aside again to soon after starting to mend his with Archie. He can't.


_Notes:_

 _Originally posted on the Riverdale Amino_

 _I don't like Cheryl, so she doesn't really get any kindness from me._

 _I actually like Reggie a lot more than I like Cheryl but I don't know if Cheryl would work for my plotline the way I need Reggie._

 _I need more Jarchie content and more Archie appreciation on this Amino, and in the fandom in general, so you'll get a lot of Jarchie and Archie from me._

 _As always, a barely edited trashcan I shouldn't be proud of but sort of am._

 _Links to other platforms coming soon below:_

 _Group(s): #EmotionsUnloaded_

One would think a student situated at their desk, furiously scribbling in their notebook as the teacher droned on, was scribbling about the class. One would be wrong if that student was the kid sat in the back of the class with little regard for the class he was currently in.

Jughead felt horrible, his stomach was churning with illness and every part of him felt gross and wrong in some way or another. Even his mind was a little foggy, presumably due to fever, but that didn't hinder him in his writing. The Jason Blossom case was more disturbing and open than it ever had been before and Jughead was determined to get to the bottom of it, sickness be damned. His palms were sweaty and his hands were shaking, he could barely hold his pen, and the fact that his hair was swinging in front of his eyes was suddenly extremely irritating. The locks of black hair tickled at his nose and no matter how much he sniffled or blew his nose it was still running and red.

Whatever illness Jughead Jones had, he had it bad.

The bell rang and Jughead's head shattered. A headache exploded in his temples and behind his eyes before encompassing his entire skull. He thinks maybe he'd cursed under his breath but that wasn't important. He put his pen down quickly and reached up to massage his temples gently. The aching didn't cease one bit and even though the actions were small the movements made nausea coil in his stomach creating a pit of chilling sickness that made his core freeze and his skin burst into flames.

A hand slammed onto his desk and Jughead barely suppressed the need to jerk back instead startling slightly and letting his gaze flick unimpressed up to the owner of the hand. Cheryl stared down at him with a vicious and teasing smirk on her face. Jughead didn't feel like being teased relentlessly at the moment, but it wasn't like he ever got a choice before. Cheryl snatched up the notebook Jughead at been jotting down observations and notes in and scoffed at the contents her face twisting into a fiery scowl. Jughead noticed the tears that built in her eyes as she clawed out the pages he'd written in with perfectly sharpened claw-like nails painted ruby red. The sound of ripping paper and whatever Cheryl was snarling at him made the pressure in his head worse and worse but it wasn't too long before Cheryl slammed what was left of his notebook back onto the desk and stomped off. He did notice, however, that his notes weren't destroyed but rather clutched to her chest.

With a sigh Jughead peeled himself out of the hard plastic seat connected to his desk, he shut the notebook dejectedly and shoved it back into his stuffed backpack. Slinging the bag over his shoulder made the nausea swirl in the pit it'd made in his stomach and made his mouth salivate threateningly. He swallowed thickly and took a few calming breaths as he shuffled to the door, completely ignoring his teacher as she attempted to wish Jughead a good weekend and told him to get better. He knew it was obvious he wasn't feeling well, but he tried to make it less obvious how terrible he was feeling.

He reminded himself it was lunch hour and he could just relax for a little while he strained to remember his locker combination over the horribly loud chatter of the halls. His head pounded in time with every shout, every slamming locker, every beat of his heart. He took a breath and let muscle memory help him remember his locker combination before slowly tugging it open. His locker was filled to the brim with books and loose papers and a heavy bag sat at the bottom. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes in an attempt to calm his headache for a moment so he could remember his previous train of thought when his locker slammed shut right in front of him. The bang rang in his ears and his vision blurred at the sudden onslaught of agony that assaulted his head. "Careful Jones, that almost hit you." Reggie taunted before Jughead found himself being roughly shoved into the row of metal lockers. Reggie let out a bark of laughter and shared a high five with his friend before they walked off leaving Jughead to ponder if this is what dying felt like.

His mouth began to salivate again and a sour taste filled his mouth while his stomach clenched uncomfortably. Jughead was almost certain he wouldn't be able to hold in the vomit this time so he shot away from the wall, the world tilting on its axis at the sudden movement, and basically sprinted for the bathroom right down the hall. The door marked Male slammed open and slowly pulled itself shut but Jughead didn't pay it any mind as he tossed his backpack to the tiled floor. He gripped the rim of the large trashcan next to the door and bent over the bin. His stomach clenched again and Jughead heaved, shuddering, and retched. He coughed, feeling completely disgusted with both himself and what he'd just produced when the door opened.

"Juggie," _Great timing Arch, really,_ Jughead thought sourly as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He raised himself into a proper standing position and shoved his hands into his pocket. Archie walked in, looking unbelievably concerned as the door shut behind him. "You alright?" He asked.

Jughead scoffed and raised an eyebrow at his recently reappointed best friend. "Does anything you just walked in on seem alright?" He asked as he walked around Archie and heaved his backpack off the ground and shouldered the weight once more. Archie followed Jughead's movements with his eyes and awkwardly fidgeted.

"You want me to walk you home?" Archie asked in lieu of providing an answer, his maple eyes shining worriedly under the trashy bathroom lights. Jughead rolled his eyes and made for the door, trying to appear as though his entire body wasn't ready to collapse at any moment. Archie followed, of course, they were both heading to the same place after all, "C'mon Jug, it's obvious you aren't feeling well. Just go home and sleep it off."

"No, Arch, I'm fine. There's only a few classes left in the day anyway, so even if I was sick- which I'm not- why would I leave now?" Jughead asked, letting his gaze flick back to his redheaded friend, daring Archie to question him. Archie bit his lip and continued to track Jughead's movement with his eyes. Archie knew him better than anyone, probably knew him better than anyone ever would, but Jughead was determined to get through the day at very least. Not to mention he couldn't exactly tell Archie he didn't have a home to go back too anymore.

Archie sighed and nodded, giving up and therefore handing victory over to Jughead. Jughead smirked almost mockingly at his friend as they entered the lunchroom and began the walk to their table where their other friends were already seated. Archie slid into his spot first, his backpack alright under the table leading Jughead to believe Archie had left in search of him. Jughead swung his backpack off his shoulder once more and let it drop under the table before situating himself next to Archie. Betty smiled sweetly at him while Kevin and Veronica turned to Archie.

"You've found him, congratulations." Kevin joked lightly, taking a drink out of his water bottle before screwing the cap on. Veronica stabbed her salad and waved the forkful of greens in Archie's direction.

"Where was he?" She asked as if Jughead himself wasn't sitting right next to their resident ginger before taking the bite from her plastic-ware and stabbing another bunch of greens. Jughead rolled his eyes and turned to Archie as well, meeting the cognac eyes with his own fevered stormy gaze.

"Yeah Arch, where was I?" He joined in, glaring at Archie meaningfully. He put his arm on the table and leaned against the cold surface before raising an expectant eyebrow while Archie hesitated to answer. "Spit it out now Arch, your audience is waiting."

Archie stared at him for another few seconds- was it Jughead or was he doing that more than usual- before shrugging, "At his locker." He answered before stealing a chunk of Betty's fruit. She playfully batted at his hand glared before picking up a piece of watermelon from her tray and popping it into her mouth. The smell of the cafeteria alone was making Jughead feel sick again but watching his friends eat was actually making him feel like he was about to puke again. He turned to Archie and rested his chin on his palm, focusing on not letting his eyes droop too much.

"You okay?" Kevin suddenly asked, drawing Jughead back to the present. He owlishly blinked a few times before meeting Kevin's eyes. Jughead internally cringed when he saw concern in the brunette's eyes and a quick glance around the table told Jughead the others were getting concerned as well.

"Fine," Jughead answered, tilting his chin up, "Just thinking. Not very chatty here today." He explained as he tried to subtly roll his shoulders. His back was throbbing from the effort it took to lug around his entire life every day and it felt nice to have an opportunity to sit down and only worry about relieving the pain in his back.

"Jug," This time it was Betty, and he dragged his gaze lazily to her face and quirked his eyebrow. "Seriously are you okay, you keep zoning out." Jughead's eyebrows twitched in an attempt to keep from furrowing in confusion. He wasn't trying to, he was just focused on trying to appear put together.

It'd been a while since he felt so content to have friends and he didn't have it in him to put anything more on Archie, mostly in fear that their still tattered friendship will fall apart with even the littlest bit of strain. He didn't want to burden Archie, or stress him out, because he didn't want to lose him again. _Wow,_ Jughead thought in sudden realization, _I didn't even think about that._

Then Archie's hand was on Jughead's shoulder, startling him once again out of the thoughts he'd unknowingly sunken into. He looked pulled his eyes back up again and huffed out a soft breath when he saw just how worried everyone looked. He was not doing a great job of keeping his illness a secret, let alone hiding how bad it was, and he needed to do something about that.

"Alright," Veronica breaks into the conversation, a smile on her perfectly painted crimson lips. "Jughead's right, we're a little boring today so we're gonna play a game," She says it like no one dare defy her and tell her they wouldn't participate. No one did of course, as they agreed, but Veronica's tone held authority. Jughead could respect that.

"I'm in," Kevin jumps back into the conversation as well, "What kind of game?" He asks eagerly, just as ready as everyone else to put some excitement into their lunch hour. Everyone but Jughead that is but if he didn't participate he'd be contradicting himself. Well, he said he was zoning out because no one was talking, that doesn't mean he said he wanted to participate in the talking. Loophole found.

"Well, as you all know I haven't been here long and we're all friends, so I vote a friendly get to know each other game." Her proposition is interesting, and Jughead immediately finds himself interested in the answers to whatever questions would be asked. That might keep his mind occupied on the conversation, that solves his spacing out problem too. All praise Veronica Lodge and her accidental solutions to Jughead's problems.

"Sounds good," Archie pitched in, his hand finally falling away from Jughead's shoulder. He crossed his arms on top of the table and smiled at Veronica, the big-eyed puppy that Archie was, "Gotta question to start us off?" He asked, leaning forward.

Veronica smirked and took another bite of her salad, "Let's start off simple shall we?" She suggested, barely waiting for the nods of her peers before asking, "Favorite animals?"

"Hummingbird," Kevin quickly answered. Shrugging when all eyes were drawn to him. "They're cute, and they come in a variety of colors." He defended as he stole a grape from Veronica's small plastic container of fruit.

"I like Yellow Labs." Betty chimed in with a kind smile.

"Specific Betts." Jughead joked, figuring that joining the conversation would benefit his healthy facade.

"Hey, blonde works and they're really cute dogs." Betty shot back playfully, turning to look at Jughead kindly, her ponytail swaying behind her.

"I like Moose," Archie confessed with a soft shrug, his Letterman jacket bunched around his shoulders before they dropped. Jughead's lips twitched upward when Archie spoke, knowing full-well the story behind the redhead's fondness of the large creatures.

Veronica smiled, "Cute," she remarked briskly, "I like panthers." She said.

"Fitting," Jughead snarked, not offering an explanation when Betty and Archie shot him a look.

"And you, Jughead?" Veronica asked, gesturing to him with her plastic fork still grasped in neatly painted fingers.

"Oh no, I'm not participating. I'll gladly listen to you all spew your opinions and feelings though." Jughead huffed. He ignored the nudge from Betty under the table and starred down a curious Veronica Lodge with a disinterested expression.

"He likes wolves," Archie piped up, smiling at Jughead when the noirette sent him a glare. "He's always been a fan and he likes the idea of a pack animal being able to make it on their own." Jughead gave his friend a faux affronted look, slapping his free hand dramatically over his heart.

"You wound me, Andrews." He gasped mockingly, earning a soft apologetic smile from the redhead and an amused snort from Kevin. Archie shrugged and Veronica hummed to regain everyone's attention. Jughead's eyes were slow to drag back over the black haired girl, his headache was back with a vengeance and his stomach hurt so badly. He was trying to surprise his shiver, knowing he would be the only one who was cold. No one noticed that anymore though, they were all waiting for the next question from Veronica.

"Are you comfortable where you are?" She asked and a round of confident yeses met her ears, Jughead rolled his eyes and didn't answer. This time Archie didn't give one in his place.

Veronica apparently had the ability to sense the growing tension in the air and quickly continued on. She grabbed her bottle of orange juice and unscrewed the lid before taking a sip, when she pulled the rim away from her lips she spoke on, "These questions are boring. Let's spice it up a bit." She said, pitching it as a suggestion. The others nodded along, they were all caught up in this secret revealing game. Jughead was happy to watch as it took attention off of him.

"What are you afraid of?" Veronica asked, and somehow unease bubbled up from the nausea in his stomach, freezing and sending another round of shivers down Jughead's spine, and curled up like a cat before sinking its claws in.

No one jumped to answer this question, so of course, Veronica took it upon herself to break the ice. "I'm scared of not being able to escape who I was before." Veronica, confidently, briskly stabs a piece of watermelon with her plastic fork and neatly plucks it off the prongs with her teeth.

"I'm afraid of never being able to find someone," Kevin answers quietly, sending Betty a soft smile of encouragement when he noticed the blonde looked uncomfortable.

"I'm afraid of never being able to be anything else but the perfect girl," Betty said, looking up and meeting everyone else's gaze with a burning confidence that Jughead hadn't seen in her in a long time.

Everyone turned to Archie, expectant and waiting. Jughead found his heart rate speeding up waiting to see what Archie had to say. He was cold, and gross, and oh so sick, but all Jughead wanted now was to know what Archie's biggest fear was now. Maybe, just maybe, he was checking if it still matched up with his like it had when they were kids.

"I'm scared of not being able to protect the people I care about," Archie confessed, and it physically hurt Jughead to hear Archie sound so defeated. Archie's eyes flicked over to Jughead for just a moment, but that moment was enough for the boys to make eye contact. Archie's cognac eyes were analyzing and tired and that sent another sour pang of emotion straight to Jughead's worn down heart. _I'm afraid of you leaving me alone again._

The whole table seemed to freeze and turn to look at him, startled. His brows furrowed in confusion and he forced his foggy mind to figure out why. Archie looked at him with his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide.

"What?" Archie whispered, sounding like the shock of something had stolen his air away.

It clicked then, and all the emotions that had been waging a war inside Jughead's chest just ceased and instead replaced themselves with a wall of horror. He'd said it out loud.

Jughead jerked back and moved to snatch his backpack from underneath the table but a hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged him back down to the seat. He heard a soft curse beside him and knew Archie was surprised at the heat of his skin. Jughead turned to glare at Archie, "Let go." He snapped, attempting to use his other hand to pry Archie's fingers from his wrist only to have Archie grab that hand too.

Archie looked at him pleadingly and Jughead stared back defiantly. "What did you say?" Archie asked softly.

"I didn't even mean to say it,"

"Then why did you?"

"Because I-" Jughead audibly snapped his jaw shut and bit his lip to keep himself silent. His mind couldn't keep up its usual defenses anymore, he was so tired and he hurt everywhere. Tears built in his eyes but he furiously blinked them away. He couldn't afford to show weakness, the weak ones were always picked off first.

"Jughead, c'mon," Archie begged, his grasp on Jughead's wrists tightening. Jughead kept his mouth shut and ducked his head, teeth digging into his lip.

"Let go Andrews," he wondered what this looked like to the others, probably idiotic but definitely not as idiotic as Jughead himself felt.

"Juggie," Jughead sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and letting his head fall to his chest in defeat. He let the shivers take over and slumped down in attempt to relieve the ache in both his stomach and back alike.

"Ya know Arch... When you left me out by the curb you were my only friend. Jellybean and mom left and my dad fell off the damn wagon so it was just me. Not surprising, it'll always come down to that in the end. I was just hoping..." He huffed and move to yank his wrists out of Archie's grasp "nevermind."

"What Jug?" Archie tightened his hold, afraid to let go.

"I was hoping someone would stick around a little longer." Jughead huffed, looking up and meeting Archie eyes again. He felt the tears welling up again and then before he knew it Archie pulled him into a hug and Jughead was almost certain Archie was shaking too. Archie arms wrapped around his shoulders and Jughead found himself pressed into Archie's chest, but he couldn't find it in him to care. He was cold and Archie was so warm and he'd missed this so much. "I'm afraid of losing it all over again," he muttered into Archie's Letterman jacket.

There was a lot of meaning behind his words, but still, Archie responded, "Me too."

Fred unlocked his door, body aching and mind tired but overall feeling accomplished from a day of work well done. He was excited to get as he toed off his boots and hung his jacket by the door but he knew he wanted to check on Archie first. He tiredly hobbled up the stairs and down the hall. He gently grabbed the knob and open the door to Archie's room. Immediately he noticed Archie on his bed, but he was also quick to notice another figure there. He opened the door further and stepped in quietly.

Jughead. It was Jughead. The kid looked pale and sickly but Fred had to admit he was happy to see the noirette snuggled into his boy's side. He leaned over carefully and placed the back of his hand to Jughead forehead. Definitely a fever. As Fred pulled back Jughead's eyes opened blearily, glazed over with sleep and fever. "Fred?" He croaked softly before moving to peel himself off the bed.

"Hey, it's alright. Go on back to bed Jug, we'll talk in the morning." Fred assured, smiling when Jughead snuggled back into Archie's side with a soft "'Kay."

The window was open so before leaving Fred moved to shut it, as he grabbed the window he noticed Betty was sleeping next to a soft-faced noirette much like Archie was. Maybe he'd invite them over for breakfast in the morning.

After closing the window Fred made his way out of the room and down the hall into his own, the slowly shuffled walk made with a content smile on his worn down face.


End file.
